im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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