mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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