It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
