how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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