just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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