i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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