She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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