I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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