There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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