I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
