she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
