My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
