ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
