then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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