you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
