you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
