Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
