what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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