Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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