i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
