After last night, I could never be a politician.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
