Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
