i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
