every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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