The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
