Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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