Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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