I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
