Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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