Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Randomize
