just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
