he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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