I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
