No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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