I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
