Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
