I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
