Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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