IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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