I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
