sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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