I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
