Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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