Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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