She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
