70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
