my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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