I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
