I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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