drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
