Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
