what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
