I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
