I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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