I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
