Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
