You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
