He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
