I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
