I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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