my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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